Silence

One thing that I appreciate and yet at the same time despise is silence. After a day of work with over 300 children I appreciate the silence. It gives me time to think and to concentrate on what really happened that day. I can reflect upon the days events and have amazing quiet time with the Lord. It has been during these times that he has revealed many things to my heart.

And yet silence can drive me crazy. Spending an entire day by myself is good once in a while but after about 12 hours I am tired of my own company. I can only get so much satisfaction out of spending time with my cat. For a people person like myself these moments can become agonizing. I start wondering if there is something wrong with me because no one wants to spend time with me. I start thinking of all the reasons I am doomed to be alone for the rest of my life. I dream of how it will look when I am 40, single, and have 15 cats. The thought of these things consume me even though I try not to focus on them.

Even in moments like this God is whispering in my ear. I am never alone and he is always with me. Too often I choose to listen to the lies of Satan instead of the truth that comes from God's word. Psalm 11:7 says "Praise the Lord, all you nations; extol Him, all you peoples. For great is His love toward us, and the faithfulness of the lord endures forever. Praise the Lord" God's love is so great towards us. He will never leave us or forsake us. Even when I feel lost and with out a prayer I know that my hope is in the Lord. He loves me beyond measure and He is faithful. He will never let me fall.

"'For I know the plans I have for you.' declares the Lord, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future. Then you will call upon and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you." Jeremiah 29:11-14

I have heard Jeremiah 29:11 so many times yet rarely do I take the time to read on. God promises that he will hear us when we cry out. He also promises that when we seek him with all of our heart we will find him. The context of these verses amazes me as well, this is part of a letter to exiles in Babylonian captivity. They have been there for many years and must be wondering what is going on. And in the midst of their exile God is going to rescue them and save them.

At times I feel like I am in "singles exile" when I have so many friends and family married and having children. But know without doubt that God hears my cries, and in these moments of silence if I seek him with all of my heart I will find him. God will lift me up from this exile and bring me closer to his heart.