For some reason events from this weekend started me thinking about Superman. I have always loved the character of Superman and to think that there could be someone who was so strong and seemingly indestructible and yet one small thing could bring him to his knees and render him pretty much useless. As we all know that one thing is kryptonite. Having kryptonite even near him would weaken his resolve and could you imagine the damage if he ever ingested any of it. what if that kryptonite was allowed to corrupt his entire system and take over his heart?
Sin is alot like kryptonite. Some types affect us more than others and each person reacts to it differently. Yet, for each of us there is that one sin that keeps coming back time after time even though we seem to be so strong and indestructible in other situations. We have those things that break down our resolve and seem to strip us of all of our strength. Just being near it renders us weak and practically useless. And some of us go to the extremes and that sin becomes a part of who we are and quickly takes over our heart.
Though there is one big difference between us and Superman. When we are rendered weak and useless we have a strength that is stronger than anything this world has to offer. When we are useless, we are able to be used and formed into something new and useful. When we are at the end of ourselves that is when Christ begins and His strength is more than anything we can imagine. His resolve never fails! He is our shield and defender against the kryptonite of this world!
Showing posts with label Passionate Lover of Christ. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Passionate Lover of Christ. Show all posts
Sunday, September 14, 2008
Tuesday, September 09, 2008
Starting Fresh!
This summer was defiantly a restarting point for me. There were quite few things that changed. Some were anticipated and others were complete surprises, yet as always God always works things for the good of those who love Him. Now that the craziness has died down, well most of it anyway,it seems as though a new chapter in my life is ready to begin. The only problem is that I seem to have writers block!
There are so many ideas I have running through my head of what I would like the next chapter of my life to look like. Some would work well together, others wouldn't work at all! Some of the random thoughts I have total control over like getting a Masters Degree and paying off my debt. Other things are contingent upon other people somewhat, like wanting to buy a house. And others I have no control over at this point at all like getting married and starting a family of my own. Needless to say at some points I feel stuck. Like I know I don't want to go back to where I was before and yet I can't seem to move forward.
Since the weather has been so cool the last couple of days I have gone out on my bike and ridden, 5.5 miles yesterday and 7.5 miles today. I really enjoy riding because it gets me out in nature and I have time to think. There are no distractions besides the occasional walker on the trail that you don't want to run over. Today after my ride I decided that really what I need to do to start over is to really get back into the word. Over the last year that is something that has really been lacking in my life. What better way to figure out what direction the story is going in my life then to ask the true author and study His writings!
I went up to Skia, a local coffee/Christian bookstore, and picked up an inductive study on 1 and 2 Corinthians. It is entitled God's Answers for Relationships and Passions, I figured this is just what I need after all the relational craziness I have endured the past year. I have done inductive bible studies before and really enjoyed them because it is not someones commentary that you read and think about. It actually teaches you to really look at the bible and guides you to draw your own conclusions from the text. It teaches you to use scripture to explain scripture and to really search the word of God. I really don't like bible studies that ask corny questions, so the inductive style is great for me. Though it does take alot of work and time to really sit down and study the word for yourself.
Anyway at the end of each week there is a discussion part that overviews what you have learned for the week and helps to put everything together. Since I don't have anyone that I am doing this study with I decided I would share it with all of you! Don't you feel special :) Plus, I figure if I am sharing it with someone else than it will keep me motivated to do it every day.
There are so many ideas I have running through my head of what I would like the next chapter of my life to look like. Some would work well together, others wouldn't work at all! Some of the random thoughts I have total control over like getting a Masters Degree and paying off my debt. Other things are contingent upon other people somewhat, like wanting to buy a house. And others I have no control over at this point at all like getting married and starting a family of my own. Needless to say at some points I feel stuck. Like I know I don't want to go back to where I was before and yet I can't seem to move forward.
Since the weather has been so cool the last couple of days I have gone out on my bike and ridden, 5.5 miles yesterday and 7.5 miles today. I really enjoy riding because it gets me out in nature and I have time to think. There are no distractions besides the occasional walker on the trail that you don't want to run over. Today after my ride I decided that really what I need to do to start over is to really get back into the word. Over the last year that is something that has really been lacking in my life. What better way to figure out what direction the story is going in my life then to ask the true author and study His writings!
I went up to Skia, a local coffee/Christian bookstore, and picked up an inductive study on 1 and 2 Corinthians. It is entitled God's Answers for Relationships and Passions, I figured this is just what I need after all the relational craziness I have endured the past year. I have done inductive bible studies before and really enjoyed them because it is not someones commentary that you read and think about. It actually teaches you to really look at the bible and guides you to draw your own conclusions from the text. It teaches you to use scripture to explain scripture and to really search the word of God. I really don't like bible studies that ask corny questions, so the inductive style is great for me. Though it does take alot of work and time to really sit down and study the word for yourself.
Anyway at the end of each week there is a discussion part that overviews what you have learned for the week and helps to put everything together. Since I don't have anyone that I am doing this study with I decided I would share it with all of you! Don't you feel special :) Plus, I figure if I am sharing it with someone else than it will keep me motivated to do it every day.
Wednesday, August 06, 2008
A Life of Faith amidst the Questions
This morning as I was packing up and getting ready to head home from my vacation I caught an interview with Stephen Curtis Chapman's family on Good Morning America. Stephen Curtis Chapman is a Christian Musician and has 6 children, three of whom were adopted from China. A few months ago a great tragedy befell their family. Their 5 year old daughter was killed after being struck by a car in which their 17 year old son was driving. This was the first interview they have done since their daughters death. I was moved to see how honest they were about wishing they had their daughter back. His wife said that as a mother it doesn't matter how many stories about how their story has changed people's lives all she wants is her baby back. The thing that struck me the most was something Stephen said. He said that being a believer isn't about not having questions it's about keeping your faith amidst all the unanswered questions. And though they are still grieving the loss of their little girl they grieve with hope knowing that they will one day see her again in heaven.
Tonight when I went to our monthly prayer meeting at church I discovered that a the father of a family we have been reaching out to passed away this morning. Hung had come down with a very aggressive form of cancer. He had been in a coma since Monday. He had just become a believer 2 weeks ago and many of his family are not believers. Several of our people went down to the hospital yesterday and today and prayed over him. It was interesting to hear some of the questions that our own people had at the death of Hung. Many were in a mixed state of emotion knowing that Hung is in a better place and yet questioning why he had to go. There were many unanswered questions and yet no ones faith was shaken. We all know that even though this time God chose to take Hung instead of healing him doesn't mean that we stop praying for Him to heal the sick. It doesn't mean that we have any less authority in the Spirit. It just means that God is sovereign and we don't always understand everything he does. His ways are higher then our ways and his thoughts are higher than our thoughts. God doesn't mind the questions we just have to be ready to not fully understand the answers some of the time and not let that shake our faith.
Tonight when I went to our monthly prayer meeting at church I discovered that a the father of a family we have been reaching out to passed away this morning. Hung had come down with a very aggressive form of cancer. He had been in a coma since Monday. He had just become a believer 2 weeks ago and many of his family are not believers. Several of our people went down to the hospital yesterday and today and prayed over him. It was interesting to hear some of the questions that our own people had at the death of Hung. Many were in a mixed state of emotion knowing that Hung is in a better place and yet questioning why he had to go. There were many unanswered questions and yet no ones faith was shaken. We all know that even though this time God chose to take Hung instead of healing him doesn't mean that we stop praying for Him to heal the sick. It doesn't mean that we have any less authority in the Spirit. It just means that God is sovereign and we don't always understand everything he does. His ways are higher then our ways and his thoughts are higher than our thoughts. God doesn't mind the questions we just have to be ready to not fully understand the answers some of the time and not let that shake our faith.
Sunday, June 08, 2008
Perfect Timing!
I am always amazed at how God's timing is absolutely perfect! Though this last week I have been going through one of the most trying times of my life God has shown up for sure. When I called to Him, I discovered He has been there the whole time.
Wednesday my parents were headed to Eureka Springs to use their anniversary gift that we gave them back in November. On the way they stopped by to drop of my bicycle that I am getting from my brother, and they invited me to come visit them on Thursday so I wouldn't be alone. We had a great time on Thursday exploring all over Eureka. We went geocaching, rode the train, and then saw the passion play. It was great to be with them and to know I have their love and support always.
Friday I left for then New Frontier's Midwest Conference. God just really opened my eyes this weekend and poured His love out on me. Last night during worship we were dancing and shouting praise and I felt like myself again. I felt totally complete and completely satisfied. This morning God really made me realize that worrying about when or who I am going to marry is silly. He told me to look around and see all these married couples and families. He said that he creates marriages every single day. It isn't something unusual or difficult for Him, it is something he does everyday, many times a day. Why would I ever think that He isn't big enough to do the same for me? I was humbled by that thought and it gave me great hope. God knows what he is doing and it always works so much better when I let Him drive in the first place.
It's still hard, it takes some getting used to not talking to someone after you have talked to them every day for 9 months. But I know this is all God, and I have hope that this is not the end and the best is yet to come!
Wednesday my parents were headed to Eureka Springs to use their anniversary gift that we gave them back in November. On the way they stopped by to drop of my bicycle that I am getting from my brother, and they invited me to come visit them on Thursday so I wouldn't be alone. We had a great time on Thursday exploring all over Eureka. We went geocaching, rode the train, and then saw the passion play. It was great to be with them and to know I have their love and support always.
Friday I left for then New Frontier's Midwest Conference. God just really opened my eyes this weekend and poured His love out on me. Last night during worship we were dancing and shouting praise and I felt like myself again. I felt totally complete and completely satisfied. This morning God really made me realize that worrying about when or who I am going to marry is silly. He told me to look around and see all these married couples and families. He said that he creates marriages every single day. It isn't something unusual or difficult for Him, it is something he does everyday, many times a day. Why would I ever think that He isn't big enough to do the same for me? I was humbled by that thought and it gave me great hope. God knows what he is doing and it always works so much better when I let Him drive in the first place.
It's still hard, it takes some getting used to not talking to someone after you have talked to them every day for 9 months. But I know this is all God, and I have hope that this is not the end and the best is yet to come!
Monday, April 07, 2008
One Great Love!
Yesterday I watched an episode of Sex in the City. I think I may have seen two episodes in my entire life, however this one got me thinking. The main character, I think her name is Carrie, shows you how much I watch the show, is pondering the entire show about home many great loves people get in their lifetime. She asked many different people and received many different answers. After pondering over different men she came to the conclusion that New York City was the great love of her life.
As I thought about her situation I became sad to think that someone could be so lost that their greatest love would be a city. An object, if you could even call it that. Something that constantly changes and is always unpredictable. Something that can never possibly love you back, or comfort you when you are feeling down. Now I realize that this is just a show, however someone had to write the script. Someone had to have that thought in their brain.
It just all made me realize how lucky I am. I have my Great Love of a lifetime! My love is constant, never changing, always there loving me unconditionally no matter what choices I make. My love finds me beautiful and perfect in every situation and I can always rely on his council. I can count on him to be there every time I call and carry me even when I think I don't need it. Jesus Christ is my One Great Love!
"Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind." Matthew 22:37
As I thought about her situation I became sad to think that someone could be so lost that their greatest love would be a city. An object, if you could even call it that. Something that constantly changes and is always unpredictable. Something that can never possibly love you back, or comfort you when you are feeling down. Now I realize that this is just a show, however someone had to write the script. Someone had to have that thought in their brain.
It just all made me realize how lucky I am. I have my Great Love of a lifetime! My love is constant, never changing, always there loving me unconditionally no matter what choices I make. My love finds me beautiful and perfect in every situation and I can always rely on his council. I can count on him to be there every time I call and carry me even when I think I don't need it. Jesus Christ is my One Great Love!
"Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind." Matthew 22:37
Saturday, February 09, 2008
Unbelieveable!!!
What year is it? Honestly, I thought this was 2008, but right now I have a friend who seems to be in a time warp. A very scary time warp full of nonsense and hate. He seems to have been thrown back in time when there was segregation and hate for no other reason than the color of your skin. And yet, this is 2008 40 years since Martin Luther King Jr. was killed for his efforts to promote equlity and peace. 40years since desegregation. Yet, my friend finds himself in the middle of a nightmare.
Noah is an associate pastor in a small town about 40 minutes north of where I live. Noah happens to be an African American man living in a prodominatly white town. He has been there for a year now and his church and youth all love him. However, someone in the town doesn't. The last few month he has been receiving threating messages and it has now escaladed into his home being broken in to and his dog being kidnapped and killed. If you want to hear the whole story just click on the link named Noah under my friends list.
It amazes me how much hate can be so engrained into people. Hate is not something we are born with, it is something we are taught. It is also somthing that is not easily changed. I ask that you will join with me in prayer for Noah and for who ever is responsible for all of this. Pray that God will protect Noah, help Him to stand strong, and to continue to be an amazing man of God. Pray for who ever is responsible that their heart will be changed, that they will see the harm they are causing and that the cycle of hate would be broken in their family.
Noah is an associate pastor in a small town about 40 minutes north of where I live. Noah happens to be an African American man living in a prodominatly white town. He has been there for a year now and his church and youth all love him. However, someone in the town doesn't. The last few month he has been receiving threating messages and it has now escaladed into his home being broken in to and his dog being kidnapped and killed. If you want to hear the whole story just click on the link named Noah under my friends list.
It amazes me how much hate can be so engrained into people. Hate is not something we are born with, it is something we are taught. It is also somthing that is not easily changed. I ask that you will join with me in prayer for Noah and for who ever is responsible for all of this. Pray that God will protect Noah, help Him to stand strong, and to continue to be an amazing man of God. Pray for who ever is responsible that their heart will be changed, that they will see the harm they are causing and that the cycle of hate would be broken in their family.
Sunday, January 20, 2008
Overwhelmed!
Right now there is a worship song going through my head and the words to the chorus go like this
Overwhelmed by you
Overwhelmed by who you are
Overwhelmed by you
You have changed this wondering heart
With you
Right now this is exactly how I feel. I am completely overwhelmed with God's goodness and his grace. I just got back from ClearVision, which is the 20's conference through New Frontiers Ministries which my church is a part of. This conference was so amazing and God showed up in so many different ways. People were healed, many were receiving words of knowledge and prophetic words. And my favorite thing of all was I was once again blessed enough to smell the fragrance of the Lord! If you have never had the privilege to experience the fragrance of the Lord the best that I can describe it is as a Rosy smell intermingled with frankincense and myrrh. When you breathe it in it completely fills your spirit and just sends waves of peace and joy crashing over you. It is one of the most amazing things I have ever experienced.
God really revealed a lot to me this weekend. I am still processing everything. I am so overwhelmed that it is going to take sometime to make sense of it all but as it comes together I will be sure to share it with you as well.
Overwhelmed by you
Overwhelmed by who you are
Overwhelmed by you
You have changed this wondering heart
With you
Right now this is exactly how I feel. I am completely overwhelmed with God's goodness and his grace. I just got back from ClearVision, which is the 20's conference through New Frontiers Ministries which my church is a part of. This conference was so amazing and God showed up in so many different ways. People were healed, many were receiving words of knowledge and prophetic words. And my favorite thing of all was I was once again blessed enough to smell the fragrance of the Lord! If you have never had the privilege to experience the fragrance of the Lord the best that I can describe it is as a Rosy smell intermingled with frankincense and myrrh. When you breathe it in it completely fills your spirit and just sends waves of peace and joy crashing over you. It is one of the most amazing things I have ever experienced.
God really revealed a lot to me this weekend. I am still processing everything. I am so overwhelmed that it is going to take sometime to make sense of it all but as it comes together I will be sure to share it with you as well.
Saturday, January 12, 2008
It's So Contradictory
Here the last couple of days I have been pondering two very famous sayings, good things come to those who wait and the early bird catches the worm. When used in context both of these sayings have a great meaning. One giving you the encouragement to be patient when you are having to wait on something and the other urging you to take action when it is needed. However, in pondering these two sayings I have comet to see how opposite these two ideas can be. If good things come to those who wait then why would it not be the later bird that waited who got the best worms. Or if the early bird gets the worm wouldn't it be bad for the worm who waited because he wouldn't get any food.
I think the real question here is when do you know when it is time to be patient and wait and when it is time to take action. Throughout the bible there are verses about waiting on the Lord, seeking His face for direction and then taking action. Yet, at the same time it also encourages us to take action for if we have faith and no action to back that up it is worthless.
I know I find myself sitting back and not doing anything because I say I am waiting on the Lord to give me direction, when in reality I am not even seeking direction because I am too afraid of where God is going to lead me. I fear many of us are stuck in this vicious cycle. I know that right now I am in a place where action is needed and yet I have no clue what to do because I am too afraid of not liking the answer I am going to receive. I am so afraid that the action is going to cost me more than the waiting. So I sit here an wait, pretending that I am seeking God, and yet in reality I'm just trying to hide from the truth.
I think the real question here is when do you know when it is time to be patient and wait and when it is time to take action. Throughout the bible there are verses about waiting on the Lord, seeking His face for direction and then taking action. Yet, at the same time it also encourages us to take action for if we have faith and no action to back that up it is worthless.
I know I find myself sitting back and not doing anything because I say I am waiting on the Lord to give me direction, when in reality I am not even seeking direction because I am too afraid of where God is going to lead me. I fear many of us are stuck in this vicious cycle. I know that right now I am in a place where action is needed and yet I have no clue what to do because I am too afraid of not liking the answer I am going to receive. I am so afraid that the action is going to cost me more than the waiting. So I sit here an wait, pretending that I am seeking God, and yet in reality I'm just trying to hide from the truth.
Saturday, December 29, 2007
Choices
As the Christmas season has come and is quickly departing, I have been pondering all of the choices we have to make. There are millions of advertisements bombarding us everyday to buy this product or that. As we walk through the grocery isle we have options to buy several different brands of essentially the same product. We have literally hundreds of TV channels and radio stations vying for our attention. We even have a ton choices staring us in the face as we go to our very own closets every morning. Today, I even find myself bombarded with choices of men as they seemingly just pop up in my in-box. :)
As I was watching my niece yesterday make her own choice not to kiss her Grandpa good-bye, in her three year old mind she thinks if she doesn't give bye-bye hugs and kisses she won't have to leave, I thought about the choice we have to love God. God created us to have free will. He didn't create a bunch of robots to serve and worship Him. He created man with free will so that our worship would be true. Our love and adoration would be a choice. God wants authentic worshipers who choose to love and serve Him, just as my dad wanted my niece to choose to give him a hug and not be bribed or coerced to do so.
Sometimes I think it would have been way easier if God had never given us a choice. If he just laid out the exact plan of our life, said here it is, this is the way it is going to be, and we never had a chance to stray from it. But he doesn't, in His infinite wisdom and love He guides us but doesn't force us to choose Him. I don't get it, how God could know that we wouldn't make good choices, to know that we would purposefully betray Him, that we would say we love Him and in the same breath deny we even know Him, yet he would come to earth as a baby and lay down His own life just so that we could be with Him for eternity. I don't understand it but I am very grateful for it!
Everyday, I thank God that I have a choice to make. I can choose to live my life for myself or I can live my life for Him. What choice will you make today?
As I was watching my niece yesterday make her own choice not to kiss her Grandpa good-bye, in her three year old mind she thinks if she doesn't give bye-bye hugs and kisses she won't have to leave, I thought about the choice we have to love God. God created us to have free will. He didn't create a bunch of robots to serve and worship Him. He created man with free will so that our worship would be true. Our love and adoration would be a choice. God wants authentic worshipers who choose to love and serve Him, just as my dad wanted my niece to choose to give him a hug and not be bribed or coerced to do so.
Sometimes I think it would have been way easier if God had never given us a choice. If he just laid out the exact plan of our life, said here it is, this is the way it is going to be, and we never had a chance to stray from it. But he doesn't, in His infinite wisdom and love He guides us but doesn't force us to choose Him. I don't get it, how God could know that we wouldn't make good choices, to know that we would purposefully betray Him, that we would say we love Him and in the same breath deny we even know Him, yet he would come to earth as a baby and lay down His own life just so that we could be with Him for eternity. I don't understand it but I am very grateful for it!
Everyday, I thank God that I have a choice to make. I can choose to live my life for myself or I can live my life for Him. What choice will you make today?
Wednesday, December 05, 2007
Urealistic!! Really?????
Tonight I was told in no uncertain terms that the fact that I want to wait to have sex until I am married is unrealistic. That because of the choices I have made that I will be single for the rest of my life. That in order to get a husband I have to be willing to "fulfill a man's needs." And apparently this makes me selfish and I don't care about how it makes the other person feel.
Can we say I am a bit ticked off!!! Now, I admit that in this whole matter I am not totally innocent. I have made some choices over the last few months that haven't been the wisest nor am I proud of them. I have seen and admitted where I wronged him and yet all I get is that I don't care about how he feels! Apparently I am totally to blame for the reason we had this huge fight and things he has done to hurt me don't factor in.
It's not like premarital sex is a grey area. It's not like one of those biblical things that you question. I don't know how many times it is mentioned through out the bible but it is very, very clear. I think what ticks me off the most is that he is a believer and yet said these things to me. I would understand if he was a non-believer of course this is the way the world sees things. But as a Christian we are to live in the world and not be of the world. As I said before I am not perfect. I am so far from being perfect that it scares me sometimes. I know my own heart and I know what I would do if I weren't under the Lordship of Jesus Christ. I know what I have done when I have chosen to go my own way. I am only who I am today by God's grace and his mercy, and the Lord knows I don't deserve it at all.
Telling me that men of strong character and convictions don't exist makes me mad. It makes me mad because I know it is a lie. I have these exact type of men all around me. I find these qualities in my father and my brothers, and brother-in-law. These men are in church with me every Sunday. These men are married to my close friends. These men are some my good friends. True I may not have met the one that God has intended for me but you know what I have no doubt that he is out there.
So I just want to thank all of you men out there who choose to live a life of integrity. Who choose to stand up for what you believe in the face of adversity. Who value the gift of sex and were willing to wait or are still waiting until you are married. Who value women enough to love them for who they are and not what they can do for you.
Thank you for being my family, my friends, and my mentors. Thank you for showing me that I am a precious treasure worth waiting for. Thank you for seeing value for who I am and not what I can do. Thank you for showing me that I don't have to settle for second best. Thank you for keeping hope alive for this "unrealistic" single girl.
Can we say I am a bit ticked off!!! Now, I admit that in this whole matter I am not totally innocent. I have made some choices over the last few months that haven't been the wisest nor am I proud of them. I have seen and admitted where I wronged him and yet all I get is that I don't care about how he feels! Apparently I am totally to blame for the reason we had this huge fight and things he has done to hurt me don't factor in.
It's not like premarital sex is a grey area. It's not like one of those biblical things that you question. I don't know how many times it is mentioned through out the bible but it is very, very clear. I think what ticks me off the most is that he is a believer and yet said these things to me. I would understand if he was a non-believer of course this is the way the world sees things. But as a Christian we are to live in the world and not be of the world. As I said before I am not perfect. I am so far from being perfect that it scares me sometimes. I know my own heart and I know what I would do if I weren't under the Lordship of Jesus Christ. I know what I have done when I have chosen to go my own way. I am only who I am today by God's grace and his mercy, and the Lord knows I don't deserve it at all.
Telling me that men of strong character and convictions don't exist makes me mad. It makes me mad because I know it is a lie. I have these exact type of men all around me. I find these qualities in my father and my brothers, and brother-in-law. These men are in church with me every Sunday. These men are married to my close friends. These men are some my good friends. True I may not have met the one that God has intended for me but you know what I have no doubt that he is out there.
So I just want to thank all of you men out there who choose to live a life of integrity. Who choose to stand up for what you believe in the face of adversity. Who value the gift of sex and were willing to wait or are still waiting until you are married. Who value women enough to love them for who they are and not what they can do for you.
Thank you for being my family, my friends, and my mentors. Thank you for showing me that I am a precious treasure worth waiting for. Thank you for seeing value for who I am and not what I can do. Thank you for showing me that I don't have to settle for second best. Thank you for keeping hope alive for this "unrealistic" single girl.
Wednesday, November 21, 2007
Clarity
I am always amazed at how I can complicate such simple things. I have a knack for taking the simplest problem, looking at it from every possible angle, and then convincing myself that there is no answer when the answer is staring me right in the face. I suppose that is why I get so frustrated with logic puzzles.
Anyway, here the last few weeks I have had a war within myself. Struggling over a question with which the answer has been obviously clear and yet I have managed to cloud it in my mind in every possible way. A struggle between what I want for my self and what God wants for me. Between living in this world and being of this world.
Obviously, there should be no question in my mind that what God wants is the best thing I could ever choose, even if it means that what I want has to be sacrificed. Yet, the desire to have want I want is so strong that it seemingly drowns out my hearts cry for the Lord. This fact has so frustrated and confused me. It has left me feeling isolated and alone. Feeling as though no one could possibly understand how a girl who's deepest desire for so long has been to serve the Lord with all she has and now feels as though she is wavering, being tossed about in a sea of questions, not being able to find a place in which to rest. Searching for something that seemingly can't be found.
Today, however, I have found that place to rest. I have found my comfort and my peace in the place it has always been, God's own words. I was reading in Galatians today, a book I have studied many times, but this time something really struck me.
Galatians 5:16-17 "So I say, live by the Spirit and you will not gratify the desires of the sinful nature. For the sinful nature desires what is contraty to the Spirit, and the Spirit what is contrary to the sinful nature. They are in conflict with each other so that you do not do what you want."
This whole war inside of me has been happening because the Spirit is within me. My sinful nature and the Spirit have been in conflict. I am not a freak of nature! The fact that I have been struggling is proof that I desire to live by the Spirit. This conflict is constantly occurring and is more pronounced when I stop striving to live by the Spirit. When I am not renewing my mind daily. Thank God for His grace and mercy because even when I stumble and fall he is there to pick me up. His Spirit is there to guide me and stop me from indulging my sinful nature.
"Therefore, I urge you brothers, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God - this is your spiritual act of worship. Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is - his good, pleasing and perfect will." Romans 12:1-2
Anyway, here the last few weeks I have had a war within myself. Struggling over a question with which the answer has been obviously clear and yet I have managed to cloud it in my mind in every possible way. A struggle between what I want for my self and what God wants for me. Between living in this world and being of this world.
Obviously, there should be no question in my mind that what God wants is the best thing I could ever choose, even if it means that what I want has to be sacrificed. Yet, the desire to have want I want is so strong that it seemingly drowns out my hearts cry for the Lord. This fact has so frustrated and confused me. It has left me feeling isolated and alone. Feeling as though no one could possibly understand how a girl who's deepest desire for so long has been to serve the Lord with all she has and now feels as though she is wavering, being tossed about in a sea of questions, not being able to find a place in which to rest. Searching for something that seemingly can't be found.
Today, however, I have found that place to rest. I have found my comfort and my peace in the place it has always been, God's own words. I was reading in Galatians today, a book I have studied many times, but this time something really struck me.
Galatians 5:16-17 "So I say, live by the Spirit and you will not gratify the desires of the sinful nature. For the sinful nature desires what is contraty to the Spirit, and the Spirit what is contrary to the sinful nature. They are in conflict with each other so that you do not do what you want."
This whole war inside of me has been happening because the Spirit is within me. My sinful nature and the Spirit have been in conflict. I am not a freak of nature! The fact that I have been struggling is proof that I desire to live by the Spirit. This conflict is constantly occurring and is more pronounced when I stop striving to live by the Spirit. When I am not renewing my mind daily. Thank God for His grace and mercy because even when I stumble and fall he is there to pick me up. His Spirit is there to guide me and stop me from indulging my sinful nature.
"Therefore, I urge you brothers, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God - this is your spiritual act of worship. Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is - his good, pleasing and perfect will." Romans 12:1-2
Tuesday, October 30, 2007
Down in the Dumps :(
Proof that I am a real life human being! For those of you who know me well I am typically a very up beat, happy go-lucky, kind of girl. I just have a naturally bubbly personality and very rarely do things get me down. I think some people think it may be fake but really that is how I am. However, today I am in a weird mood. I can't shake this feeling that something bad is about to happen. Okay, maybe not bad but something I am not particularly going to like. I am not sure what this event will be, though I have made plenty speculations.
I don't like feeling this way. I don't feel like myself and I am not quite sure how to handle myself when I get down in the dumps. Especially when I am down in the dumps for no apparent reason. I suppose we all have days like today, some more than others. I am just so thankful that even though I don't feel particularly happy I know that my spirit is still filled with joy. I can find comfort in the fact that I am the beloved of the Almighty King and nothing can ever change that. Even though I may feel worn out, tired, worthless, and unlovable I have a promise I can cling too.
"All beautiful you are, my darling; there is no flaw in you." Song of Songs 4:7
God sees me as beautiful!!
I don't like feeling this way. I don't feel like myself and I am not quite sure how to handle myself when I get down in the dumps. Especially when I am down in the dumps for no apparent reason. I suppose we all have days like today, some more than others. I am just so thankful that even though I don't feel particularly happy I know that my spirit is still filled with joy. I can find comfort in the fact that I am the beloved of the Almighty King and nothing can ever change that. Even though I may feel worn out, tired, worthless, and unlovable I have a promise I can cling too.
"All beautiful you are, my darling; there is no flaw in you." Song of Songs 4:7
God sees me as beautiful!!
Wednesday, October 24, 2007
Amazing Grace
Amazing grace! How sweet the sound that saved a wretch like me!
I once was lost, but now am found; twas blind but now I see.
'Twas grace that taught my heart to fear and grace my fears relieved;
how precious did that grace appear the hour I first believed.
Through many dangers, toils, and snares, I have already come;
'tis grace hath brought me safe thus far and grace will lead me home.
The Lord has promised good to me, his word my hope secures;
he will my shield and portion be, a long as life endures.
Yea, when this flesh and heart shall fail, and mortal life shall cease,
I shall possess, within the veil, a life of joy and peace.
When we've been there ten thousand years, bright shining as the sun,
we've no less days to sing God's praise than when we'd first begun.
Words by John Newton
This is one of the most famous songs in the world. Christian's and non-Christian's around the world hold its melody and words in high regard. Yet, all too often, we never take the time to ponder its power. How often do we stop through out our day and thank God for His grace? For we truly are wretched people and don't deserve the love He so lavishly pours out upon us.
This week I have been reminded yet again how amazing His grace is. There is nothing that can ever compare to the freedom that given knowing that there is nothing I can ever do or not do that could ever make God love me any less or any more than He already does.
That my friend's is truly Amazing!!
I once was lost, but now am found; twas blind but now I see.
'Twas grace that taught my heart to fear and grace my fears relieved;
how precious did that grace appear the hour I first believed.
Through many dangers, toils, and snares, I have already come;
'tis grace hath brought me safe thus far and grace will lead me home.
The Lord has promised good to me, his word my hope secures;
he will my shield and portion be, a long as life endures.
Yea, when this flesh and heart shall fail, and mortal life shall cease,
I shall possess, within the veil, a life of joy and peace.
When we've been there ten thousand years, bright shining as the sun,
we've no less days to sing God's praise than when we'd first begun.
Words by John Newton
This is one of the most famous songs in the world. Christian's and non-Christian's around the world hold its melody and words in high regard. Yet, all too often, we never take the time to ponder its power. How often do we stop through out our day and thank God for His grace? For we truly are wretched people and don't deserve the love He so lavishly pours out upon us.
This week I have been reminded yet again how amazing His grace is. There is nothing that can ever compare to the freedom that given knowing that there is nothing I can ever do or not do that could ever make God love me any less or any more than He already does.
That my friend's is truly Amazing!!
Wednesday, October 10, 2007
Trusting the Giver
Perhaps you, too, have camped by such sweet waters,
And quenched with joy your weary, parched soul's thirst;
To find, as time goes on, your streamlet alters
From what it was at first.
Hearts that have cheered, or soothed, or blest, or strengthened;
Loves that have lavished unreservedly;
Joys, treasured joys - have passed, as time has lengthened,
Into obscurity.
If then, O soul, the brook your heart has cherished
Does fail you now - no more your thirst assuage-
If its once glad refreshing streams have perished,
Let HIM your heart engage.
He will not fail, nor mock, nor disappoint you;
His comfort and care change not with the years;
With oil of joy He surely will anoint you,
And wipe away your tears.
J. Danson Smith
This poem was part of a short devotional that a co-worker handed me in the hall today at school. She said she had read it as part of her quite time this morning and thought of me so she decided to pass it along. I was very grateful for it really did speak to my heart. I think her intention was to comfort me in my recent break-up, but I don't think she intended for the impact that it had.
As I sat and pondered all this short 5 paragraphs had to say, one point really jumped out at me. "One way or the other, we must all learn the difference between trusting in the gift and trusting in the Giver." Meaning that there will come a time when the gifts the Lord has blessed us with will be altered, whether it be the gift of a spouse, or children, or even teaching, they will be changed over time. At the point when those are changed we find out where our true trust has been all along.
Of course I thought of Jeremy and the "season" I spent with him, though it was short, however as I considered the gifts God has placed in my life I began to realize how many different places I tend to trust in the gift and not necessarily the giver. The biggest one I found was in my voice. Since I was a young child I have been known as the girl that can sing. As I grew my love for music developed over time and though in High School I was known more as the best flute player, my identity was still centered around my musical abilities. Even now I am known as the music teacher by many. I even find that part of my identity in Christ is centered around my voice. When I am singing is when I feel most connected to God. When I sing antiphonally I find God uses my voice to speak truth into my life.
What if the gift of my voice was taken from me? It is not impossible, many things could cause such a phenomenon to occur. Would something that would seem to me as such a tragedy cause me to lose trust in the Giver just because I no longer had the gift?
No, was the resounding answer my heart cried, as I spent hours in study and prayer. Though my voice is a large part of who I am, it is not all of who I am. My identity isn't found in the gifts God has given me, my identity is found in the fact that I am a Child of God. He loves me so deeply and passionately. Even if everything I know and trust here on this earth were taken away, God would never leave me or forsake me.
I must remember that gifts are just temporary but the Giver of the gifts is only thing that is eternal. The world around me will constantly change but Jesus Christ will always remain the same.
And quenched with joy your weary, parched soul's thirst;
To find, as time goes on, your streamlet alters
From what it was at first.
Hearts that have cheered, or soothed, or blest, or strengthened;
Loves that have lavished unreservedly;
Joys, treasured joys - have passed, as time has lengthened,
Into obscurity.
If then, O soul, the brook your heart has cherished
Does fail you now - no more your thirst assuage-
If its once glad refreshing streams have perished,
Let HIM your heart engage.
He will not fail, nor mock, nor disappoint you;
His comfort and care change not with the years;
With oil of joy He surely will anoint you,
And wipe away your tears.
J. Danson Smith
This poem was part of a short devotional that a co-worker handed me in the hall today at school. She said she had read it as part of her quite time this morning and thought of me so she decided to pass it along. I was very grateful for it really did speak to my heart. I think her intention was to comfort me in my recent break-up, but I don't think she intended for the impact that it had.
As I sat and pondered all this short 5 paragraphs had to say, one point really jumped out at me. "One way or the other, we must all learn the difference between trusting in the gift and trusting in the Giver." Meaning that there will come a time when the gifts the Lord has blessed us with will be altered, whether it be the gift of a spouse, or children, or even teaching, they will be changed over time. At the point when those are changed we find out where our true trust has been all along.
Of course I thought of Jeremy and the "season" I spent with him, though it was short, however as I considered the gifts God has placed in my life I began to realize how many different places I tend to trust in the gift and not necessarily the giver. The biggest one I found was in my voice. Since I was a young child I have been known as the girl that can sing. As I grew my love for music developed over time and though in High School I was known more as the best flute player, my identity was still centered around my musical abilities. Even now I am known as the music teacher by many. I even find that part of my identity in Christ is centered around my voice. When I am singing is when I feel most connected to God. When I sing antiphonally I find God uses my voice to speak truth into my life.
What if the gift of my voice was taken from me? It is not impossible, many things could cause such a phenomenon to occur. Would something that would seem to me as such a tragedy cause me to lose trust in the Giver just because I no longer had the gift?
No, was the resounding answer my heart cried, as I spent hours in study and prayer. Though my voice is a large part of who I am, it is not all of who I am. My identity isn't found in the gifts God has given me, my identity is found in the fact that I am a Child of God. He loves me so deeply and passionately. Even if everything I know and trust here on this earth were taken away, God would never leave me or forsake me.
I must remember that gifts are just temporary but the Giver of the gifts is only thing that is eternal. The world around me will constantly change but Jesus Christ will always remain the same.
Tuesday, October 09, 2007
Unexpected Answers
I am an avid believer in the power of prayer. I have a prayer journal that I write in most every night and pray constantly though out the day. Prayer is my life line.
Over the years I have prayed for many things. Some have been unanswered, some answered with wait, and still others answered immediately. Of course all of the answers come in many different forms. There are times they are answered exactly as I expect, other times they are answered completely opposite of what I have in mind, and still others I don't realize were even answered until way on down the road.Even after so many prayers being answered in my life I still find that many times I am surprised by unexpected answers. One of those unexpected answered occurred last night.
Since I met Jeremy I have known that God is preparing him for something big. I realized early on that God is working in his life in a might way right now. So I have been praying that God would continue to work in his life. That God would draw Jeremy closer to him and let him see the leadership calling that has been placed on his life.
Well God has been answering those prayers. Jeremy and I sat down and had a long conversation last night about what God has been showing him over the last few weeks. In the midst of all that God has been showing him God has also called him to not be in a relationship for now. Which means that as much as Jeremy didn't want too, he broke up with me last night.
Needless to say, this was a very unexpected way for God to answer my prayers. As much as I don't like the decision, I also know that if it is what God wants then it is for the best. I actually have to say that I am very proud of Jeremy, I wouldn't want to be in a relationship with him if he weren't willing to place God above everything else, including me. The problem is that it makes me like him even more!!
So we have decided to continue to get to know each other as friends and we will wait on the Lord and see where he is going to take us from here. What ever happens I know without a shadow of a doubt that God's hand is in it and it will all work for the good. Above all else I want God to be glorified through my life.
Over the years I have prayed for many things. Some have been unanswered, some answered with wait, and still others answered immediately. Of course all of the answers come in many different forms. There are times they are answered exactly as I expect, other times they are answered completely opposite of what I have in mind, and still others I don't realize were even answered until way on down the road.Even after so many prayers being answered in my life I still find that many times I am surprised by unexpected answers. One of those unexpected answered occurred last night.
Since I met Jeremy I have known that God is preparing him for something big. I realized early on that God is working in his life in a might way right now. So I have been praying that God would continue to work in his life. That God would draw Jeremy closer to him and let him see the leadership calling that has been placed on his life.
Well God has been answering those prayers. Jeremy and I sat down and had a long conversation last night about what God has been showing him over the last few weeks. In the midst of all that God has been showing him God has also called him to not be in a relationship for now. Which means that as much as Jeremy didn't want too, he broke up with me last night.
Needless to say, this was a very unexpected way for God to answer my prayers. As much as I don't like the decision, I also know that if it is what God wants then it is for the best. I actually have to say that I am very proud of Jeremy, I wouldn't want to be in a relationship with him if he weren't willing to place God above everything else, including me. The problem is that it makes me like him even more!!
So we have decided to continue to get to know each other as friends and we will wait on the Lord and see where he is going to take us from here. What ever happens I know without a shadow of a doubt that God's hand is in it and it will all work for the good. Above all else I want God to be glorified through my life.
Wednesday, September 19, 2007
Crazy Busy!!!
The older I become it seems the busier I get. Almost every night of the week I have something on my calender. Which in someways I don't mind, being the extrovert that I am I love to be with people. But in others it just stinks, like the fact that I have seen Jeremy for the total of an hour and a half in the last 7 days and still won't get to see him until Friday night. With all the busyness I am amazed I can keep up with anything, of course I am not the most organized person in the world. Just this morning I was having a heck of a time trying to find my shoes and still have no clue what I did with my school key yesterday.
I began pondering all of this busyness and wondering exactly what God thinks of it all. I would say the things that I do are good; my job, church, watching the kids for the Lifesource class, Bible Study, and building relationships with those around me. I think that God puts me in these places to teach me things and to affect the lives of others around me. Yet, at the same time, I get so exhausted by "doing" all the time that I forget about "being."
I don't take the time to stop and just be with God. Just to sit down and spend time with him one and one and have a conversation. I know that a relationship just dies if you don't spend time with a person but for some reason I just think that magically my relationship with Christ is put on hold until the next time I talk to Him or worse I think some how I can grow closer to him even though the only time I do spend with Him happens to be in corporate worship and even then I am halfway distracted by what is going on.
I think I need to simplify my life and yet I don't know where I can do that. I guess really I just need to stop wasting time. Like today I had two hours in between getting off work and going to Bible Study. That was plenty of time to sit down and hang out with God. Yet, I only managed to read two chapters in my bible and then fell asleep for 30 minutes.
I know that I am not the only one in this world that has this problem. Getting our priorities straight can be such a battle. And I hate that it always seems that God gets the "leftovers" of my time. I have to "fit" Him into my schedule somewhere at a time that is most convenient for me. That just seems wrong, but at the same time if I don't find that time it will be even worse.
I began pondering all of this busyness and wondering exactly what God thinks of it all. I would say the things that I do are good; my job, church, watching the kids for the Lifesource class, Bible Study, and building relationships with those around me. I think that God puts me in these places to teach me things and to affect the lives of others around me. Yet, at the same time, I get so exhausted by "doing" all the time that I forget about "being."
I don't take the time to stop and just be with God. Just to sit down and spend time with him one and one and have a conversation. I know that a relationship just dies if you don't spend time with a person but for some reason I just think that magically my relationship with Christ is put on hold until the next time I talk to Him or worse I think some how I can grow closer to him even though the only time I do spend with Him happens to be in corporate worship and even then I am halfway distracted by what is going on.
I think I need to simplify my life and yet I don't know where I can do that. I guess really I just need to stop wasting time. Like today I had two hours in between getting off work and going to Bible Study. That was plenty of time to sit down and hang out with God. Yet, I only managed to read two chapters in my bible and then fell asleep for 30 minutes.
I know that I am not the only one in this world that has this problem. Getting our priorities straight can be such a battle. And I hate that it always seems that God gets the "leftovers" of my time. I have to "fit" Him into my schedule somewhere at a time that is most convenient for me. That just seems wrong, but at the same time if I don't find that time it will be even worse.
Sunday, August 26, 2007
The Purpose of the Church
Maybe I am a bit slow, surprise, surprise. But tonight something I have known for a while finally made sense. Something triggered in my brain and it made a connection.
For such a long time I viewed the church as a place to go and be fed. The purpose was to go and get filled up and rejuvenated for the week and then off to the real world. Then you have small/home/community group for a little pick me up until Sunday. I think many people have this view of church.
Now, over the years I have heard teaching on the value of independent study time. Of the importance of having time every day to spend with God. Using this time for prayer, study, and personal worship. Any teaching I have heard on this subject has always come off more as quite time is your daily supplement, like a vitamin, but church is where you get the bulk of your food.
Tonight I had an epiphany! This line of thinking that I have been taught and come to know as my own is completely backwards! My personal time with God is where I should be getting the bulk of my food and church is where I get the supplements that help me digest the food.
This whole revelation came from a statement from the teaching tonight at church. Jack basically said that his job as the leader of our church is to help us become people who can feed ourselves so that on Sunday we can serve and not rely on being fed there. As soon as he said a phrase from all of my education classes came to me. The ultimate goal of teaching is to create independent learners. Meaning that you don't just teach them what they need to know you cultivate a desire to continue learning even when they are not in your classroom.
At that moment I realized that purpose of the church is to create independent worshipers. A people who go out and have a desire to learn more about God everyday not just in the sanctuary on Sunday morning. The church is the place where people are to be equipped so that they can fully grasp all that God has for them.
In Hebrews chapter 5 the author says this to the Jewish believers, "In fact, though by this time you ought to be teachers, you need someone to teach you the elementary truths of God's words all over again. You need milk, not solid food! Anyone who lives on milk, being still an infant, is not acquainted with the teaching about righteousness. But solid food is for the mature, who by constant use have trained themselves to distinguish good from evil." (emphasis is mine) This could be said to so many of the believers today. As an infant we are fed milk and someone has to feed it to us we lack the ability to feed ourselves. As an infant milk is enough to sustain us but as we get bigger it is no longer sufficient. As we grow we begin to eat solid food that is fed to us. Then we attempt it on our own with occasional assistance someone might need to cut up our meat. But eventually we learn how to eat on our own. We even learn how prepare our own food and then feed it to others. However, too many of us are satisfied on a spiritual diet consisting only of milk. As young Christians we need this milk, however our growth will be stunted if we don't learn to eat solid food.
And like anything we learn how to eat by practice. It isn't like we just woke up one morning when we were 6 months old and could all the sudden us a fork and knife properly. It takes constant use of the tools we have been given in order to learn how to eat. The same is with learning how to take in spiritual food. The tools we have been given take practice to learn how to use them. I can be given a reading guide and study tools but if I don't take the time to use them it will do me no good. Or if I only try to use them once a week when everyone else is watching me I am not going to learn either. Daily practice is the only way we get better at anything.
Now don't get me wrong, corporate worship is very important. Like I said it is the place where we get the tools in order to be able to digest what we have been taking in. It is also the place in which we are to serve others and help them grow in spiritual maturity.
What kind of spiritual food are you living on? Are you expecting for someone else to feed you or have you come to a place of maturity in which you can feed yourself? If you have reached a place of maturity are you then preparing that food for others and helping them mature?
For such a long time I viewed the church as a place to go and be fed. The purpose was to go and get filled up and rejuvenated for the week and then off to the real world. Then you have small/home/community group for a little pick me up until Sunday. I think many people have this view of church.
Now, over the years I have heard teaching on the value of independent study time. Of the importance of having time every day to spend with God. Using this time for prayer, study, and personal worship. Any teaching I have heard on this subject has always come off more as quite time is your daily supplement, like a vitamin, but church is where you get the bulk of your food.
Tonight I had an epiphany! This line of thinking that I have been taught and come to know as my own is completely backwards! My personal time with God is where I should be getting the bulk of my food and church is where I get the supplements that help me digest the food.
This whole revelation came from a statement from the teaching tonight at church. Jack basically said that his job as the leader of our church is to help us become people who can feed ourselves so that on Sunday we can serve and not rely on being fed there. As soon as he said a phrase from all of my education classes came to me. The ultimate goal of teaching is to create independent learners. Meaning that you don't just teach them what they need to know you cultivate a desire to continue learning even when they are not in your classroom.
At that moment I realized that purpose of the church is to create independent worshipers. A people who go out and have a desire to learn more about God everyday not just in the sanctuary on Sunday morning. The church is the place where people are to be equipped so that they can fully grasp all that God has for them.
In Hebrews chapter 5 the author says this to the Jewish believers, "In fact, though by this time you ought to be teachers, you need someone to teach you the elementary truths of God's words all over again. You need milk, not solid food! Anyone who lives on milk, being still an infant, is not acquainted with the teaching about righteousness. But solid food is for the mature, who by constant use have trained themselves to distinguish good from evil." (emphasis is mine) This could be said to so many of the believers today. As an infant we are fed milk and someone has to feed it to us we lack the ability to feed ourselves. As an infant milk is enough to sustain us but as we get bigger it is no longer sufficient. As we grow we begin to eat solid food that is fed to us. Then we attempt it on our own with occasional assistance someone might need to cut up our meat. But eventually we learn how to eat on our own. We even learn how prepare our own food and then feed it to others. However, too many of us are satisfied on a spiritual diet consisting only of milk. As young Christians we need this milk, however our growth will be stunted if we don't learn to eat solid food.
And like anything we learn how to eat by practice. It isn't like we just woke up one morning when we were 6 months old and could all the sudden us a fork and knife properly. It takes constant use of the tools we have been given in order to learn how to eat. The same is with learning how to take in spiritual food. The tools we have been given take practice to learn how to use them. I can be given a reading guide and study tools but if I don't take the time to use them it will do me no good. Or if I only try to use them once a week when everyone else is watching me I am not going to learn either. Daily practice is the only way we get better at anything.
Now don't get me wrong, corporate worship is very important. Like I said it is the place where we get the tools in order to be able to digest what we have been taking in. It is also the place in which we are to serve others and help them grow in spiritual maturity.
What kind of spiritual food are you living on? Are you expecting for someone else to feed you or have you come to a place of maturity in which you can feed yourself? If you have reached a place of maturity are you then preparing that food for others and helping them mature?
Friday, August 24, 2007
Hoppin Around :)
Okay I admit it. I am a small group hopper! AHHHH!!
I have been known to randomly drop in on home/small/community groups of churches which my friends attend. Really my intention is purely selfish in the fact that I am there to actually spend time with my friends. However, as usual, God always shows up and opens my eyes to yet another part of Himself.
This Wednesday night I went and crashed my friends JoAnna, Zack, Christy, and Ronnie's home group. My goal was to eat really good waffles and fellowship with my friends that I hadn't gotten to see in like a month. So I accomplished those two goals, which was awesome.
During the bible study time there were several reoccurring themes that came across. I think it is awesome how God can speak to us all in different ways about the same thing. Anyway... Most of what God had been showing everyone centered around being willing to step out in what He was leading us to do, even if it meant seemingly making a fool of ourselves in the process.
That lead to a discussion on how we tend to live our lives as though God is dependant on us instead of us being dependant on God. In our feeble brains we think that God can't accomplish His goals without us. In reality He is just allowing us to join Him in what He is doing. God is going to have his will done weather we choose to be a part of it or not.
That whole conversation lead to a thought from my friend Zack. He actually wrote a short post about it. He called it the Jesus vs. Jesus lite debate. Basically saying that all too often we want to take the good parts of our faith and cut out the parts we don't like. We want all the grace, love, and salvation but refuse to do the hard work of taking up our cross and following Jesus.
It really made me stop and think about how I live my life. Am I living my life taking all of who Jesus is or am I trying to "cut calories." You can take things away and add alternatives all you want but the lite version of anything is never as good as the original.
I have been known to randomly drop in on home/small/community groups of churches which my friends attend. Really my intention is purely selfish in the fact that I am there to actually spend time with my friends. However, as usual, God always shows up and opens my eyes to yet another part of Himself.
This Wednesday night I went and crashed my friends JoAnna, Zack, Christy, and Ronnie's home group. My goal was to eat really good waffles and fellowship with my friends that I hadn't gotten to see in like a month. So I accomplished those two goals, which was awesome.
During the bible study time there were several reoccurring themes that came across. I think it is awesome how God can speak to us all in different ways about the same thing. Anyway... Most of what God had been showing everyone centered around being willing to step out in what He was leading us to do, even if it meant seemingly making a fool of ourselves in the process.
That lead to a discussion on how we tend to live our lives as though God is dependant on us instead of us being dependant on God. In our feeble brains we think that God can't accomplish His goals without us. In reality He is just allowing us to join Him in what He is doing. God is going to have his will done weather we choose to be a part of it or not.
That whole conversation lead to a thought from my friend Zack. He actually wrote a short post about it. He called it the Jesus vs. Jesus lite debate. Basically saying that all too often we want to take the good parts of our faith and cut out the parts we don't like. We want all the grace, love, and salvation but refuse to do the hard work of taking up our cross and following Jesus.
It really made me stop and think about how I live my life. Am I living my life taking all of who Jesus is or am I trying to "cut calories." You can take things away and add alternatives all you want but the lite version of anything is never as good as the original.
Tuesday, August 21, 2007
Questions??
I always hated it when teachers would say that there were no stupid questions. I know they were just trying to make everyone comfortable, but quite frankly there are stupid questions. On the flip side, however, there are some amazing questions. Some questions seem to have no answer. Other questions lead to even more questions. And sometimes a question can lead to an extraordinary answer that can change the way we look at the world.
For some reason I seem to be stuck in that hazy limbo of being so full of questions and yet not getting any answers. My questions range anywhere from "Are my pants clean?" to "Should I look into buying a house?" or as complicated as "Is there only one perfect person out there for us to marry? And if there is what happens if they choose to marry someone else?"
Some of my questions are just fleeting thoughts and I don't really need an answer and others I have pondered on for what seems like years and haven't gotten any closer to figuring it out. When I have all these questions I tend to feel like a failure. I have this idea of what I am supposed to be all set up in my mind and yet I don't seem to achieve that. I fall short every single time. In reality everything I think I know honestly means nothing.
It is at these times I am most grateful for an amazing God who loves me no matter how fuzzy my brain my seem. That even when I don't know any answers, He has it all under control. Even when I start to doubt Him and what He is doing or choosing not to do in my life, I know that I can trust Him 100%. I may feel like I am just floating out in a sea of mist yet when I stop and look my feet are firmly planted in God's truth and Love. And apart from Him I know nothing and anything I do know means nothing without Him.
We were never told that this would be an easy road to walk. In fact over and over again we are told the opposite. Which makes since because we may be in this world but we are not part of this world. Our home is not this earthy dwelling made of stone and wood but it is a heavenly kingdom that we anxiously await.
The best part is God doesn't mind our questions. He may not always give us the answers when we want them. And the answer isn't always want to hear. However, I can stand strong in the faith of knowing that even though the burdens and questions God is working everything for the good of those who love Him.
For some reason I seem to be stuck in that hazy limbo of being so full of questions and yet not getting any answers. My questions range anywhere from "Are my pants clean?" to "Should I look into buying a house?" or as complicated as "Is there only one perfect person out there for us to marry? And if there is what happens if they choose to marry someone else?"
Some of my questions are just fleeting thoughts and I don't really need an answer and others I have pondered on for what seems like years and haven't gotten any closer to figuring it out. When I have all these questions I tend to feel like a failure. I have this idea of what I am supposed to be all set up in my mind and yet I don't seem to achieve that. I fall short every single time. In reality everything I think I know honestly means nothing.
It is at these times I am most grateful for an amazing God who loves me no matter how fuzzy my brain my seem. That even when I don't know any answers, He has it all under control. Even when I start to doubt Him and what He is doing or choosing not to do in my life, I know that I can trust Him 100%. I may feel like I am just floating out in a sea of mist yet when I stop and look my feet are firmly planted in God's truth and Love. And apart from Him I know nothing and anything I do know means nothing without Him.
We were never told that this would be an easy road to walk. In fact over and over again we are told the opposite. Which makes since because we may be in this world but we are not part of this world. Our home is not this earthy dwelling made of stone and wood but it is a heavenly kingdom that we anxiously await.
The best part is God doesn't mind our questions. He may not always give us the answers when we want them. And the answer isn't always want to hear. However, I can stand strong in the faith of knowing that even though the burdens and questions God is working everything for the good of those who love Him.
Monday, August 13, 2007
Climbing Out of the Muck
Living alone can be a very difficult thing for a people person. I enjoy having my own space and having the freedom to do as I please. However, there are times when the isolation of it all creeps up on me and I feel like I am sinking into a muddy swamp. I find this happens quite frequently after I have had a very busy schedule and have become used to people being everywhere around me.
This weekend started out fine. I thought I would enjoy finally having a break and some time to myself after such a crazy summer. Friday night I was busy doing things around the house. Saturday I took the time to sleep in a bit and then veg around the house but for some reason on Saturday I began to sink. It wasn't that I didn't have things to do, I even had been invited to a party that night. But for some reason everything little thing I could possibly worry about started to emerge. The longer I was in isolation and alone with my own thoughts the bigger these small things became. The larger they became the less I wanted to be around other people and the more hopeless things around me seemed. On top of that I was becoming frustrated with myself because I recognized what was happening but at that moment didn't know how to stop it.
Sunday was more of the same. I had intended on getting up at 8 and getting out of the house, however I couldn't get myself up and ended up staying in bed till noon. Then I just sat on the couch for several hours in my pajamas allowing the isolation to seep more and more into my Spirit. The more I tried to make myself do something the less motivated I was. I was concentrating so hard of the fact that I was sinking that I couldn't find a way out. I had even reached a point where I didn't even want to got to church that evening. I had convinced myself that they wouldn't miss me and that I would just continue feeling completely isolated because I would be the only single person yet again. After much debate within my own mind, I finally got up took a shower and went to church.
Thank God for His goodness and mercy. Church is exactly where I needed to be. We had a guest speaker who came to encourage us in our church planting but alot of what he had to say seemed like it was especially for me. He was talking about Acts 4:23-31, where believers in the early church are praying just after Peter and John have been released from prison the first time.
This is the first time that the early church has really come up against any major persecution. Before this time the church had been relatively under the radar. They were gathering, fellowshiping, building relationships, and growing in their faith. It wasn't until Peter and John healed the crippled man by the temple gates and 5,000 new believers came into the fold that day, that they were thrown into the public arena.
The awesome thing about this prayer is that they don't say one word about the persecution. They don't ask for the mouths of those who speak against them to be shut. They don't ask for protection from any harm that may come them. They don't even ask for guidance on what to do next.
First they tell God who He is. "Sovereign Lord." Then they tell God of what he has done. "You made the heaven and the earth and the sea, and everything in them." The they tell Him what he has said. "You spoke by the Holy Spirit through the mouth of your servant David..." Then only after they have spoken these things do they make their request. Their request is not to be saved from persecution but it is "to speak your work with great boldness." Then they ask "Stretch out your hand to heal and perform miraculous signs and wonders though the name of your holy servant Jesus." They are asking to see more of these things that just got them in trouble in the first place because they know that these are the things that will bring God the most glory. They realize that their lives are not their own any more but they are vessels to glorify God.
Now when they are "reminding" God of all of these things that He is, He has done, and He said, it is not for the benefit of God. He already knows this about Himself, however as they pray and focus on who God is and what He has done God becomes bigger and more real to them. As they focus on Him it is almost as though they forget the persecution they are facing.
All to often when I have a problem arise I do the exact opposite of what these members of the early church did. I tend to focus on my problem. I tell God all about the problem and how I want him to fix it. As I pray about my problem the problem gets bigger and bigger and God becomes smaller in my focus.
Talk about a wake up call! So right then I started to pray and focus on God. Just took time to tell him who He is, what He has done in my life, and the promises He has given to me. As I began to pray God became bigger in my minds eye. As God became bigger and bigger all of my "problems" became smaller and smaller in the light of who He is.
No one ever said that the Christian life is an easy path. In fact over and over again Christ told us that it would be difficult. He warned us that we would have trials and tribulations. But the awesome part is He told us that He would never leave us or forsake us. We have an open channel of communication if we choose to use it. But when we use it we need to make sure that it is a prayer that focuses our heart on Him and not on ourselves.
As we remember that God is Sovereign, that he is in control, that no matter how far we may run he is always right beside us, that He can never love us any less or any more, etc... we gain strength and we can begin to focus on the hand reaching down to help us out of our muck instead of the muck all around us.
This weekend started out fine. I thought I would enjoy finally having a break and some time to myself after such a crazy summer. Friday night I was busy doing things around the house. Saturday I took the time to sleep in a bit and then veg around the house but for some reason on Saturday I began to sink. It wasn't that I didn't have things to do, I even had been invited to a party that night. But for some reason everything little thing I could possibly worry about started to emerge. The longer I was in isolation and alone with my own thoughts the bigger these small things became. The larger they became the less I wanted to be around other people and the more hopeless things around me seemed. On top of that I was becoming frustrated with myself because I recognized what was happening but at that moment didn't know how to stop it.
Sunday was more of the same. I had intended on getting up at 8 and getting out of the house, however I couldn't get myself up and ended up staying in bed till noon. Then I just sat on the couch for several hours in my pajamas allowing the isolation to seep more and more into my Spirit. The more I tried to make myself do something the less motivated I was. I was concentrating so hard of the fact that I was sinking that I couldn't find a way out. I had even reached a point where I didn't even want to got to church that evening. I had convinced myself that they wouldn't miss me and that I would just continue feeling completely isolated because I would be the only single person yet again. After much debate within my own mind, I finally got up took a shower and went to church.
Thank God for His goodness and mercy. Church is exactly where I needed to be. We had a guest speaker who came to encourage us in our church planting but alot of what he had to say seemed like it was especially for me. He was talking about Acts 4:23-31, where believers in the early church are praying just after Peter and John have been released from prison the first time.
This is the first time that the early church has really come up against any major persecution. Before this time the church had been relatively under the radar. They were gathering, fellowshiping, building relationships, and growing in their faith. It wasn't until Peter and John healed the crippled man by the temple gates and 5,000 new believers came into the fold that day, that they were thrown into the public arena.
The awesome thing about this prayer is that they don't say one word about the persecution. They don't ask for the mouths of those who speak against them to be shut. They don't ask for protection from any harm that may come them. They don't even ask for guidance on what to do next.
First they tell God who He is. "Sovereign Lord." Then they tell God of what he has done. "You made the heaven and the earth and the sea, and everything in them." The they tell Him what he has said. "You spoke by the Holy Spirit through the mouth of your servant David..." Then only after they have spoken these things do they make their request. Their request is not to be saved from persecution but it is "to speak your work with great boldness." Then they ask "Stretch out your hand to heal and perform miraculous signs and wonders though the name of your holy servant Jesus." They are asking to see more of these things that just got them in trouble in the first place because they know that these are the things that will bring God the most glory. They realize that their lives are not their own any more but they are vessels to glorify God.
Now when they are "reminding" God of all of these things that He is, He has done, and He said, it is not for the benefit of God. He already knows this about Himself, however as they pray and focus on who God is and what He has done God becomes bigger and more real to them. As they focus on Him it is almost as though they forget the persecution they are facing.
All to often when I have a problem arise I do the exact opposite of what these members of the early church did. I tend to focus on my problem. I tell God all about the problem and how I want him to fix it. As I pray about my problem the problem gets bigger and bigger and God becomes smaller in my focus.
Talk about a wake up call! So right then I started to pray and focus on God. Just took time to tell him who He is, what He has done in my life, and the promises He has given to me. As I began to pray God became bigger in my minds eye. As God became bigger and bigger all of my "problems" became smaller and smaller in the light of who He is.
No one ever said that the Christian life is an easy path. In fact over and over again Christ told us that it would be difficult. He warned us that we would have trials and tribulations. But the awesome part is He told us that He would never leave us or forsake us. We have an open channel of communication if we choose to use it. But when we use it we need to make sure that it is a prayer that focuses our heart on Him and not on ourselves.
As we remember that God is Sovereign, that he is in control, that no matter how far we may run he is always right beside us, that He can never love us any less or any more, etc... we gain strength and we can begin to focus on the hand reaching down to help us out of our muck instead of the muck all around us.
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