Insight

Those of you who know me well know that I wouldn't be able to survive without my journal. My journal is the place where I can talk to God and amazingly enough God speaks to me through my pen. It has to be God because some of the insights I gain while Journaling defiantly don't come from my little brain.

I don't usually share what I write in my Journal very much but on occasion I get little insights that I think others need to hear as well. This is one of those little tid bits God has laid on my heart to share.

January 19, 2007
I have been thinking today and just had an insight that I never thought of before. On average people will gain weight once they are married. Most people would say it is because you are comfortable and no longer feel the need to impress. However, I don't think that is the reason. I think that we begin to realize this person doesn't fulfill the deepest desire of our hearts. Our hearts are crying out for something more that can only be fulfilled through Jesus and the Sacred Romance. When we don't find it in this relationship with our spouse we search for it in a "safe" place, food. Food becomes our drug of choice when those nagging desires come calling. We "stuff" them down and medicate ourselves until the fear of the unknown goes away. We turn to "comfort" foods instead of taking comfort in the one thing our heart desires. The one thing that can fulfill these longings, not just cover them up for the time being.

That one thing is Jesus. It is scary to face the unknown. God is not safe. Just as in the Chronicles of Narnia, Aslan is not a safe lion but he is a good lion. Jesus is the same he is not safe or tame, but he is good. I know that for so long I found my comfort in food, I still am an emotional eater and I have to watch myself. But I am beginning to realize that when I am "craving" these foods I need to stop and ask what is my heart really searching for. I don't think my heart really needs that chocolate ice cream as much as I may think it will help. What is it that my heart is crying out for and yet I am afraid to pursue it? Why am I so afraid to allow God love me the way I was created to be loved?