What We Need, When We Need It!

I am always amazed at how God provides exactly what we need right when we need it. Last night I really didn't want to be around people. I wanted to be alone and shut myself off from the rest of the world. I wanted to crawl inside my own little emotional cave and not come out.

However, God had other plans this weekend. I had already committed to going to a cookout with everyone from my church on Friday night. There are only about 25 of us. I was dreading going and even cried before I went and on the drive there. I am a very social person and love the people at my church, it was just that I was not in a mind set to be able to be the lone single yet again, hanging out with all the married people.

Once I got there I enjoyed myself. And I ended up not being the only single because people had invited other friends to come as well. It was a good time of fellowship and a good distraction. It kept me from spending my entire Friday night wallowing in self-pity.

Then this morning I woke up in the same funk as before. I didn't want to get out of bed, really my ideal plan was to stay in my bed all day and not speak to anyone. But yet again I had already made plans from earlier in the week. I was going to meet up with a friend for lunch and then I had committed to singing at a worship service in Bentonville that was to last from 4:30 until 10:00.

So I stayed in bed until 8:00 and only got up then because I had my random urge to check my e-mail. See my habit stayed in tacked even though I didn't want to talk to anyone. Anyway, after messing around the house for about an hour I decided to go and read my book David. And yet again what I read was exactly what I needed to hear.

I was reading about the part of David's story when he literally ends up in a cave. He was hiding there, felt like his life was meaningless to everyone, didn't understand why everything was going down like it was, and pretty much wallowing in his own self-pity and loneliness. Yet in the midst of all of that his deepest desire was still to see the Lord glorified. To see the Lord's name be praised.

Psalm 142 was written while David was sitting in this cave. In the beginning he is crying out in dispare. In verse 4 he says "Look to my right and see, no one is concerned for me. I have no refuge: no one cares for my life." Verse 6 says " Listen to my cry, for I am in disparate need; rescue me from those who pursue me, for they are too strong for me." David is at his lowest point. He is physically and emotionally in a cave.

Yet in the same breath that he is crying out to be rescued he recognizes that even though he doesn't like what is happening God is still in control. Verse 3 "When my spirit grows faint within me, It is you who know my way." Verse 5 "I cry to you, O Lord: I say, 'You are my refuge, my portion in the land of the living.'" Verse 7 "Set me free from my prison, that I may praise your name. Then the righteous will gather about me because of your goodness to me." David didn't want to be freed from this bondage for his own sake he wanted to be freed so that God's name would be praised. That everyone would see God's goodness upon David's life.

God didn't leave David alone in the cave. In fact he brought to him his family and 400 other people who were down and out. Even in this low time in David's life the Lord was training him to be a great leader.

As I read through this Psalm I began to realize that I had come to dwell in an emotional cave. I wanted to be alone, I wanted to wallow in my own self-pity for a while. Yet, like David my hearts deepest desire is not to be married and have a family it is for God to be glorified in my life. As I read through the Psalm I really began to relate to the cries of David's heart. That in that moment he felt so desperate and so alone yet he realized that only thing left to cling to was God himself the only true refuge.


The other thing I noticed about David was that after acknowledging he needed help, presenting his need before God, recognizing that God was the only real place he could rest, and wanting to be freed so that he could praise the Lord, he was still in the cave. There were things to be learned in that place. God knew that he was going to end up in that cave. God knew that David had to come to a point of complete brokenness before He could teach him what he needed to know.

So after reading all of this my heart was freed just a bit. I was able to worship tonight and during that time the funk lifted for a moment. I am not out of my cave yet, but instead of wallowing in my own self-pity like my flesh so desires, I am open to hear what God has to say and to learn what God has to teach me in this place. I don't have a clue what that is, but hopefully I will find out soon.