Climbing Out of the Muck

Living alone can be a very difficult thing for a people person. I enjoy having my own space and having the freedom to do as I please. However, there are times when the isolation of it all creeps up on me and I feel like I am sinking into a muddy swamp. I find this happens quite frequently after I have had a very busy schedule and have become used to people being everywhere around me.

This weekend started out fine. I thought I would enjoy finally having a break and some time to myself after such a crazy summer. Friday night I was busy doing things around the house. Saturday I took the time to sleep in a bit and then veg around the house but for some reason on Saturday I began to sink. It wasn't that I didn't have things to do, I even had been invited to a party that night. But for some reason everything little thing I could possibly worry about started to emerge. The longer I was in isolation and alone with my own thoughts the bigger these small things became. The larger they became the less I wanted to be around other people and the more hopeless things around me seemed. On top of that I was becoming frustrated with myself because I recognized what was happening but at that moment didn't know how to stop it.

Sunday was more of the same. I had intended on getting up at 8 and getting out of the house, however I couldn't get myself up and ended up staying in bed till noon. Then I just sat on the couch for several hours in my pajamas allowing the isolation to seep more and more into my Spirit. The more I tried to make myself do something the less motivated I was. I was concentrating so hard of the fact that I was sinking that I couldn't find a way out. I had even reached a point where I didn't even want to got to church that evening. I had convinced myself that they wouldn't miss me and that I would just continue feeling completely isolated because I would be the only single person yet again. After much debate within my own mind, I finally got up took a shower and went to church.

Thank God for His goodness and mercy. Church is exactly where I needed to be. We had a guest speaker who came to encourage us in our church planting but alot of what he had to say seemed like it was especially for me. He was talking about Acts 4:23-31, where believers in the early church are praying just after Peter and John have been released from prison the first time.

This is the first time that the early church has really come up against any major persecution. Before this time the church had been relatively under the radar. They were gathering, fellowshiping, building relationships, and growing in their faith. It wasn't until Peter and John healed the crippled man by the temple gates and 5,000 new believers came into the fold that day, that they were thrown into the public arena.

The awesome thing about this prayer is that they don't say one word about the persecution. They don't ask for the mouths of those who speak against them to be shut. They don't ask for protection from any harm that may come them. They don't even ask for guidance on what to do next.

First they tell God who He is. "Sovereign Lord." Then they tell God of what he has done. "You made the heaven and the earth and the sea, and everything in them." The they tell Him what he has said. "You spoke by the Holy Spirit through the mouth of your servant David..." Then only after they have spoken these things do they make their request. Their request is not to be saved from persecution but it is "to speak your work with great boldness." Then they ask "Stretch out your hand to heal and perform miraculous signs and wonders though the name of your holy servant Jesus." They are asking to see more of these things that just got them in trouble in the first place because they know that these are the things that will bring God the most glory. They realize that their lives are not their own any more but they are vessels to glorify God.

Now when they are "reminding" God of all of these things that He is, He has done, and He said, it is not for the benefit of God. He already knows this about Himself, however as they pray and focus on who God is and what He has done God becomes bigger and more real to them. As they focus on Him it is almost as though they forget the persecution they are facing.

All to often when I have a problem arise I do the exact opposite of what these members of the early church did. I tend to focus on my problem. I tell God all about the problem and how I want him to fix it. As I pray about my problem the problem gets bigger and bigger and God becomes smaller in my focus.

Talk about a wake up call! So right then I started to pray and focus on God. Just took time to tell him who He is, what He has done in my life, and the promises He has given to me. As I began to pray God became bigger in my minds eye. As God became bigger and bigger all of my "problems" became smaller and smaller in the light of who He is.

No one ever said that the Christian life is an easy path. In fact over and over again Christ told us that it would be difficult. He warned us that we would have trials and tribulations. But the awesome part is He told us that He would never leave us or forsake us. We have an open channel of communication if we choose to use it. But when we use it we need to make sure that it is a prayer that focuses our heart on Him and not on ourselves.

As we remember that God is Sovereign, that he is in control, that no matter how far we may run he is always right beside us, that He can never love us any less or any more, etc... we gain strength and we can begin to focus on the hand reaching down to help us out of our muck instead of the muck all around us.